I wanted to make a nice title, nice hook in my intro paragraph, and make this post all nice and pretty. The reality is I have a few minutes while the kids are playing before we have to get to the business of the day, and I may be interrupted by screaming any minute (my kids are best friends and best enemies at the same time!). Maybe I will polish the details up later, but I felt like this is something I need to say and say now; that it will be an encouragement or even just a little breath of fresh air for fellow Mamas (or anyone else!) who happens to read it. In a way, presenting it in a rough-around-the-edges way is the message itself, but now I’m getting ahead of myself.
I was texting with a friend a few weeks ago, talking about some struggles their family is facing. In addition to all the external stressors, she feels really inadequate as a mom. This woman is a wonderful mother; she loves and adores her little son and she cares for him well in every respect: plenty of mental stimulation, outside play time, good and varied food, great clothes, and firm boundaries. Despite all this she feels like she’s not a good mommy, and ya know what? I know a lot of moms who feel the same way, sometimes including me.
We always feel like we could be doing better. There is some aspect of our lives that doesn’t match up to what we think we as mothers are supposed to be. Some moms feel bad because they work and don’t get as much quality time as they feel they should. Others feel bad because they stay home and can’t afford trips to Dollywood or the flashy toys their kids want. Some feel guilty because the laundry is piled up higher than the washing machine, while others look at the dust piling up on their furniture and sigh. I wrote about this before –about how Mommy guilt is a lie; we compare our worsts with someone else’s bests and it robs us of our joy.
The message of this post is related. You ready?
God chose you for your child not only for your strengths, but for your weaknesses.
Did you hear that?
God chose you for your child not only for your strengths, but for your weaknesses.
Out of all the families in all the centuries in all the world, God gave that child to you. Don’t you think God knew about your character before He gave you your precious little mess? Don’t you think He knew (better than anyone!) that parenthood wouldn’t automatically transform you into a saint? If you really believe in God as God, the answer has to be yes, of course He knew! He decided you would be the best parent for your child, out of all the entire world. He knew every time you would lose your temper, every time you would mess up, every time you would break down and cry because being Mommy that day just felt too hard.
He chose you anyway.
Ya know why? Your weaknesses are part of God’s plan for your child’s sanctification. Did that just blow your mind? It is actually better for your child that you are not perfect! There are hundreds (or thousands, or more!) lessons that your children will learn from your struggles and failures. Your shortcomings as a parent are tools to help smooth their rough edges. Sometimes they will learn from your example as you go through hard times as a family, but other times it will be a much more personal struggle. Temper, for instance. It is great if you never lose your temper and yell at your kids (btw, nice to meet you Jesus Christ!!). Losing your temper is a fault; it is a weakness; it is a sin. God’s specialty, though, is using human weakness to showcase His glory. When you apologize after your temper storm is over, it is a lesson to your children in humility. It gives them the chance to practice forgiveness. It gives them empathy: “You remember how it felt bad when Mommy yelled at you yesterday? Well, that’s what you made your sister feel just now. And just like Mommy apologized to you, you need to apologize to your sister.”
God’s ultimate will for our children isn’t their happiness in this moment; it is their sanctification. Their holiness. Their submission to His will, which is their highest calling, highest good, and highest joy. He knew what your children would need to practice, and he gave you to them to accomplish that goal.
Another example is close to home for me. My mom is a recovering perfectionist. It made some things really difficult growing up, when things needed to be done exactly the right way, with exactly the right tools (I think she showed me how to chop an onion properly about 60 times and it’s a running joke with us!). But you know what? My tendency is to be lazy and slap-dash. I would rather do a halfway job the first time and see if it will do before putting in the effort to do the job right, a character quality that can have serious repercussions. God knew that I needed training in the opposite extreme so that as an adult I could end up with balance in my life.
God uses other imperfections to shape our children, too. Financial difficulties, chronic illness and pain, or mental illness can cause us to feel guilty about how our problems affect our childrens’ lives, whether it is missed ball games, constantly spending time in medical waiting rooms, or the inability to provide things or experiences that their friends have. Again, God’s plan isn’t always for their momentary happiness, but for their sanctification. Maybe He knows that your kids need practice being caring. Maybe He knows they need to learn about contentment. Maybe they need extra motivation to be more independent and helpful. Maybe their experience with your physical or mental illness will inspire them to choose a career helping others through similar difficulties.
I’m not saying that we give up. “What then; shall we continue in sin that grace may increase? By no means!” We can’t just say, “Well, this is who I am!” and stop trying to obey God’s calling for our own sanctification.
What I am saying is we can give up the feelings of inadequacy. We are all inadequate. No, wait, that needs more emphasis. We are all inadequate. That’s a little better, but not quite enough. WE ARE ALL INADEQUATE!!! Even that mom that you know who seems to have it all together; you know, the mom you thought of and said, “I can believe my inadequacy, but so-and-so is always put together, she cooks organic home grown produce, her house is always clean, and even her farts smell like skittles.” Nope. She’s in the same boat with you, at least according to the Bible. Inadequate. You know Who isn’t inadequate? When we aren’t enough, Who is?
“All of You is more than enough for
All of me
For every thirst and
Every need
You satisfy me with Your love,
And all I have in you,
Is more than enough.”
Jesus. The Father. The Holy Spirit. The three in one and one in three and HE is enough. He sees the feeble job of parenting we can do and he surrounds us, overshadows us, fills in all the cracks and chinks and gaps. Thus with Paul we can say, “Most gladly therefore, I would rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me.”
I may not be the best mommy in the world, but I am the best mommy for my children.
At least, God gave them to me, so He seems to think so. Who am I to argue?
This may not be the best blog post; I’m putting it out there because I believe that God can take something wholly inadequate and use it. After all, that’s what I’m counting on every morning those little feet pitter patter over to my room and little voices clamor for “snuggle!” Every day the baby grins at me when I look over the side of her bed. Every tough week when the little angels turned into dragons that woke up on the wrong side of the cave this morning.
Lord, help me believe it. Help me trust You that You are enough when I am not. Keep me from comparisons. Protect my heart from the lies of the Evil One as he seeks to steal my joy and destroy the security I have in You.